When Book Scammers Get Philosophical (And Offer YOU Money)

A Literal Literary Loser Learns

I’ve transcribed enough text exchanges with Facebook book marketing scammers by now, that you all know the drill. (If you don’t, then check out the high quality entertainment here, here, and here.)

Today, I’m skipping the familiar introductory material and cutting straight to where it starts getting weird. Just when I thought I’d heard it all, along come two new and exciting variations on a theme…

Success Abu: Time is money, so, it won't be easy for me Investing my time on such things when I have a lot to handle that pay me

Alina Adams: I have an idea. Since you're SUCH a great marketer who can sell HUNDREDS of copies, why don't you just sell 5 of my books in the next 5 days, and if you can do that, I will pay you to sell 200. Should be nothing for someone as talented as you, right?

SA: I don't work that way, if you can me pay upfront

AA: Oh, never mind, i thought you were legit

SA: If is that easy why have you make enough sales

AA: How do you know how many sales I've made. Look me up, I've had 2 NYT bestsellers and 5 Amazon bestsellers. You don't know who I am, do you? Wait, you don't even know any of my books? This whole thing is a scam? Name one of my titles, I dare you!

SA: NEOLIFE

AA: Huh? What does that mean?

SA: Google it

AA: Are you trying to sell me a vitamin? Are you have a nervous breakdown?

SA: Applause

AA: OK, this is clearly a bot and not a person. I'll share your bad programming with all my fellow writers to make sure nobody uses your services.

SA: In every corrupted society, there are still dedicated leader

AA: I see...

SA: Principles brings discipline Creative minds is a fertile land growth, you not hiring my service doesn't mean other will not Note: You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.

(Ed note: Wow, that is totes deep. Not quite sure how it helps sell books, though…)

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Abesin Israel: I don't share my clients details with people

AA: No client name, no book title name, where's the proof?

AI: That enough for you to believe but if you don't believe let just forget about it

AA: I expect you to prove that you are a good book salesman by selling books. You obviously are just another thief.

AI: I can see you are oloriburuku that is not ready to work Werey omo

AA: I can see you don't know English words

AI: Iya re tisheyofo Have forgotten you don't understand those words I know you don't have money I can help you by sending you money cos I know you don't have money Send me your Cash app teg

AA: You want to send me money?

AI: Yes

AI: I don't feel like working with you again

AA: So you are going to pay me money not to work with me again? And what do you mean again, we never worked together before?

AI: I just feel like giving you money

AA: WHY?

AI: Because I know you don't have money to pay for my service so let me support you by sending you some cash

AA: OK, great, send it to me by PayPal

AI: No Cash app or nothing

AA: Alright, then nothing. You are so bad at stealing money! I am so ashamed of you.

AI: I want to help you and see the way you are talking to me Are you in your right senses Have a great day you dummy Your generation is a failure

AA: What generation am I?

AI: You talk to much Werey

AA: You're so bad at this. You can't even insult me properly

AI: sorry where are you from? USA right?

(Ed note: If these are both bots - am I the only one who sees the significance of the latter’s initials being AI - then that is some weird programming. And if these are actually people then… that is some weird programming. I’m still unsure as to what the con is, offering to send people money. Guessing that, once they have your Cash App tag, they can send phony invoices that some people just pay without reading. But I’m open for other suggestions. What do you all think?)

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In the meantime, I can promise that my daughter and I are not bots in the video below. Check out our latest book review!