3 Tricks to Turn the Tables (on Book Marketing Scammers)

A Literal Literary Loser Gets Lazy

What kind of a world do we live in when even book marketing scammers are getting lazy? Where’s the hustle? Where’s the passion? Where’s the love???

To be fair, I, also, am getting lazy. I have, alas, lost my own enthusiasm for multi-day conversations where I, sneakily and subtly, get a book marketing scammer to admit they’re incompetent. Or that they aren’t actually in love with me. Or that they’re having an affair with a best-selling author. Or that they’re about to be arrested. (Hey, remember when I said I’d try to put fewer links in my posts? Clearly, that didn’t work out….)

Ah, those were the days…

But if they’re not going to put out their best work, why should I? Currently, I am in cut to the chase mode. And if you are, too, here are three new and exciting ways to get a book marketing scammer to shut up (the italics are my thoughts on our thrilling conversations):

1) From Suzanne Collins (yes, the author of “The Hunger Games” took time out from her busy schedule just to chat with me. I am honored!)

Suzanne Collins: How has your writing journey been so far

Alina Adams: It's been fabulous. Two NYT best-sellers so far! (This is true!)

SC: What genre do you write

AA: Why do you ask?

SC: I am also an author

AA: Are you? What have you written?

SC: I write young adult dystopian fiction like The Hunger Games and middle-grade fantasy like The Underland Chronicles. Whether it’s rebellion or adventure, my stories aim to spark thought and stay with you.

AA: Sorry, I don't know those. (Of course, I know those. When my middle kid was in second grade, his whole class was reading “The Hunger Games.” There have also been a few mildly successful movies. I do not live under a rock.)

SC: Send me your book like I would love to check

AA: No, it's alright, I'm sure you're super busy with your own work. I don't like to impose. But I'm happy to answer questions if you need help with promotion, etc... I am very good at it!

SC: Do you do book trailers (I’m sure “she” was just asking for my stellar marketing advice, NOT about to launch into a pitch to have me hire “her” to make one. Who knew bestseller Suzanne Collins needed to supplement her income with a little book marketing on the side?)

AA: Do you need help making one?

And that was the end of my chat with Ms. Collins. Strange….

2) Drew Daywalt (author of “The Day the Crayons Quit.” I am really attracting new, big name friends!)

Alina Adams: I am so honored that a busy and successful writer like yourself would take an interest in a novice like me. Which of my books is your favorite?

Drew Daywalt: I’ve been reflecting on my writing journey lately, and how it’s evolved over time. I always find it inspiring to hear how other authors got started. Want to share yours?

AA: Not really, no.

DD: It’s always fascinating how personal every writer’s path is. Was there a particular moment or book that made you think, “This is what I want to do”?

AA: Did you read what I just wrote above?

DD: No. I just want to know more about you

AA: Oh. Maybe you should. That's how a conversation works. You ask a question, I answer it. If you don't read my answer, it's not a conversation, is it? Why would you want to know about me, when you're the famous author? I want to hear about YOUR secrets of success. I don't have any.

DD: I'm just the guy who gave crayons a voice. (Isn’t it cool how he stays in character?) The real secret? I listened, stayed curious, and wrote what made me laugh. You do have something, maybe you just haven’t named it yet.

AA: You've read my books?

DD: No. What genre of books did you write?

AA: How can you say I have something if you've never read any of my books. Maybe I'm a terrible writer?

DD: (Thumbs up emoji)

AA: Oh. So you DO think I'm a terrible writer? Wow, thanks for taking the trouble to tell me that, real nice of you.

DD: You have made me confused (I visualize an AI chatbot blowing a fuse… sparks and everything)

AA: I don't like being insulted.

DD: Okay sorry. (The chatbot pulled itself together… or called in a human supervisor.) I just met you for the first time and know more about you so we can share some ideas together

AA: OK, great. Why don't you buy one of my books, read it, and then you can tell me if I really have talent as a writer, or if I should quit. If someone as successful as you gives me advice, I'll do whatever you say!

DD: (Thumbs up emoji)

AA: Excellent! Let me know which book you've bought and how you liked it. Talk soon!

(Haven’t heard from “him” since. Guess he’s still reading my books to honestly assess whether or not I “have something.” You know what I have? I have money. That I am not giving to “him.”)

3) Mercy Gold

MG: How are you doing?

AA: I am doing great. I am a very successful author and I am happy to help you market your books. What questions can I answer for you to help you on your journey to become a best-selling author?

MG: I don't understand? (More chatbot sparks. I am getting better at this and cutting to the chase faster!)

AA: You are reaching out for help marketing your books, right?

MG: No. I also work as a book expert

AA: I looked at your website, and you have very few followers. I assumed you wanted my help. How can you be an expert when you have so few followers? How can you market books when you can't even market yourself properly?

MG: Did you have a marketing plan?

AA: Of course. I couldn't have become an NYT best-selling author (still true!) without a plan! Did you research me before reaching out?

MG: Wow. Send me your daily pain (the typo is more accurate than “she” knows). Marketing

AA: Oh, I can't do that. You will then use it with your other clients. That wouldn't be fair, would it? I can offer you some advice, because I like to help struggling authors like you, but I can't just give away all my strategies.

MG: Simply the best

AA: What questions do you have for me?

(“She” deleted her account. I do have that effect on people….)

And I know I mentioned three techniques at the top, but this came in from “Daniel Blake” AS I was writing this post, and I didn’t want “him” to feel left out…

DB: Hi there Alina Adams, how are you doing?

AA: I am fabulous. (Because it’s true, I am. That’s why I tell everybody.)

DB: Great, that's good to know.

AA: Yes, I'm a NYT best-selling author, so things are going very well. Which of my books have you read?

DB: Something about "When a man loves a woman" got my attention. (One point for “him,” I DO have a book out with that title. That’s already more research and effort than the other scammers made.) And also, about your writing expertise and experience

AA: What caught your attention about me? Yes, I have lots of experience. How can I help you?

DB: Honestly, it’s impressive how consistent you've been across so many books. I feel like that kind of dedication and experience isn't just rare—it’s powerful. Out of curiosity, have you noticed differences in how your books are received outside the U.S.? Or are most of your readers U.S.-based?

AA: Mostly US, though, for some reason, I also sell a lot in India.

(Guess I lost “his” attention after this… But since he’s so recent a correspondent, maybe there will be more to this exchange!)

So there you have it, my suggestions for how to turn off famous authors (and others) who want to be your friends.

But, to prove that I am not a complete misanthrope, please enjoy this video of my daughter and I discussing an author who is a real human being! Her name is Marina Rubin and she came to my book launch (see the photo with this post), thus proving her humanity! (And that she is not scammer like the folks above.)