Do you know what time it is? It’s time for a round up of the latest thieves out to steal my money… and how I responded. This week, three different “people” tried to convince me they were for real. You get to pick your favorite!
Contestant #1:
This is an oldie but a goodie: Send me money and I will sell oodles of your books. Our exchange picks up following my usual offer of only paying after I see results:
Alice Mary (I’d link to her profile but, alas, “she” deleted it after blocking me; wonder if it was something I said?): I understand your desire for transparency and measurable outcomes. Rest assured, my goal as a professional book marketer is to deliver tangible results. While I can't provide an exact number of books sold upfront due to the unpredictable nature of the market, I'm confident in my ability to achieve significant sales through targeted strategies and promotional efforts. Let's work together to establish clear objectives and metrics to ensure your investment yields the desired returns.
Alina Adams: Ok, since you are so confident, I will give you the benefit of the doubt. Sell 5 copies of my book, and I will give you $10. Sell 25 copies of my book, and I will give you 50 dollars. Prove that you are a great marketer, and I will give you $100 for a full campaign. Surely, 5 books should be trivially easy for a great confident marketer like you!!! Here is a book that got no sales last month. If I see 5 sales this month, I will assume it's thanks to you and send you $10. Easy, right?
AM: Let's focus on selling 25 copies of your book. As a professional book marketer, I'll outline how I plan to achieve significant sales for your book.
AA: OK, then as soon as I see 25 sales of the above book, I will pay you 50 dollars. I don't care how you do it, I just want to see it done.
AM: To proceed with our services for your book, there is an initial payment of $50 required to cover certain charges. Kindly provide me with the following 1. Book link 2. Book cover design 3. Promotional sales copy 4. Market Research Analysis 5. Book Art work 6. Engagement tools.
AA: If I'm providing you with Market Research Analysis and Engagement tools then what do I need you for?
AM: I’ve go through your book. When a Man Loves a Woman. - James Elliot and Deborah Brody, longtime friends and colleagues, face emotional turmoil after the death of Deborah's husband, Max. - The tragedy leads to unexpected passion between Deborah and James, revealing underlying romantic feelings that complicate their friendship. - Deborah struggles with guilt over her newfound relationship with James and grapples with her own insecurities and fears. - James, who has harbored feelings for Deborah since college, navigates the delicate balance between friendship and romantic love. - The story explores themes of love, loss, guilt, and healing, offering a realistic portrayal of complex characters and relationships. - Author Alina Adams delivers a poignant and emotionally charged narrative that resonates with readers, offering both tears and smiles. - Reviewers praise the book for its depth of character development, realistic emotional conflicts, and avoidance of predictable clichés found in contemporary romances. - The enhanced multimedia edition includes music links to complement each chapter, offering a unique reading experience. Overall, "When a Man Loves a Woman" offers a compelling and heartfelt exploration of love and friendship amidst tragedy and emotional upheaval.
AA: You just copied and pasted and used AI for this.
AM: I assure you that I've thoroughly analyzed your book using my expertise and experience as a professional book marketer. Each point I've provided is based on careful consideration of the content and themes presented in your book. If you have any specific concerns or questions about my analysis, I'm more than happy to address them and provide further insights.
AA: You have thoroughly analyzed my book... in the past three minutes? You read a 100,000 word book in three minutes? OK, I believe you. Since you completely understand my book now, go ahead and start promoting it. I will let you know when 25 copies have been sold.
For those who are curious: 25 copies have not yet been sold.
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Contestant #2:
Remember “Richard Mhils,” who fell madly in love with me online and was devastated when I mocked our beautiful and completely legit relationship in this post, and stopped speaking with me to nurse his broken heart? Well, he got it over it, and he’s back:
RM: Why do you do all this, those were our conversations in the secret, between you and I, why publish something just like that without asking for my permission?
AA: Wanted to see if you loved me enough to forgive me.
RM: You think am a scam, I saw so much you've written there, you've got trust issues I see
(One day later)
RM: Honey why are you not replying me I’m worried I told you I’m sorry ok if you love me
AA: So you forgive me for writing about you and making you look stupid?
RM: I have forgive you and I have forget about it I always keep loveing you ok honey Honey I need you so much Honey the you want me and you to get married
AA: Sure, let's get married. Send money so I can come see you and we can do it then.
RM: Can you have a great day with me please Anytime I talk to you I feel good I lovely Anytime I talk to you I feel my love is close to me I love you OK do you love me too
AA: I do not.
RM: You don’t love me right I’ll always love you honey You are the perfect woman for me—my everything. I love you. No other woman in the world can hold a candle to your beauty, charm, and grace. Counting down every moment until you're back in my arms. See you soon, my love. I can't tell you what a privilege it is to fall asleep next to such a strong, stunning, and intelligent woman.
AA: My husband could tell you, since he does it every night.
RM: Just thinking about you puts a smile on my face. I want to grow old with you.
So for everyone who is afraid that Artificial Intelligence will take over the world, please read over the above, and see how we are so not even close to that yet.
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Contestant #3:
Israel Leshan has been spamming his book marketing services all over various author sites. When I responded by posting a link to one of my posts - that wasn’t even about him! - he strangely took it personally (a guilty conscience, obvs) and DM’d me the following:
IL: You are in direct violation of the ESM Industries Terms of Service which states 'You agree not to engage in false advertising or defamatory statements regarding our services, whether or not you choose to purchase our promotional services. This includes but is not limited to spreading rumors or making unfounded claims that we are engaged in fraudulent activities. Any such actions may result in legal action being taken against you for damages incurred by our business reputation.' As such you have been given a warning that you may never interact with our posts again or go against the above.
Instead of responding to him over DM, I asked, on his original post, what terms of service I was violating, since I didn’t sign any contract with him?
This was the response: Our conversation with you is over. You are just an old lady who is a failed author and with Karen characteristics trying to get back what she lost by baiting a bunch of people to read your boring blog posts just so that she can feel good about herself by seen 2 views. We keep our peace. If you have nothing important to say, keep it to yourself. Have a good day.
So, as you can see, he totally understands how business works and thus would be the ideal person to partner with to sell your books. (Bonus fun fact: I was the only person who interacted with his original post. What a good marketer he is!)
So that’s this week’s adventures with on-line liars. Which was your favorite?
While you think it over, watch my latest video below:
It's worse. Yesterday, I got 2 unsolicited messages from writers. So I googled the writes after asking them why they contacted me, 1 wanted to collaborate because she liked my writing, I asked her what she'd read. No response. Clearly she was not the writer she claimed to be. Stolen identity. Same with the other, who mentioned a friend marketed her books. I not only googled her (found out who her PR person is), the link she gave me was a web page attached to Twitter---not a real page. When i asked where she was, she said London, Uh, no, Try Nigeria. If you're going to scam, you have to do better.
Hard choice, but I choose contestant number three.