Is It Time to Quit?

A Literal Literary Loser Lets Go

When I launched this Substack in October of 2021 I wrote:

I am 52 years old. I published my first novel in 1994 with AVON Books. I’ve written two Regency romance novels, two contemporary romance novels, five figure skating mysteries, two non-fiction skating books, three soap-opera tie-ins (two of which were New York Times best-sellers), two books on applying to schools in New York City, and my latest novel, “The Nesting Dolls,” a historical family saga following three generations of Soviet-Jewish women through the 1930s and the 1970s in the USSR and present day Brighton Beach, Brooklyn, came out in hardback from HarperCollins in July of 2020 and in paperback July 2021.

I am 52 years old. I have published 17 books. My writing career has just reset to Square One.

I have no publisher. I have no agent.

This will be the story of me trying to reset, revitalize, rise from the ashes, and any other cliche you can think of. This will be the story of a literal literary loser who refuses to give up. (Even when that might seem like the logical and sanity-saving thing to do.)

So what has happened since then?

For one thing, I turned 55. I’ve had two more historical fiction novels published, “My Mother’s Secret: A Novel of the Jewish Autonomous Region” (11/22) and “Go On Pretending” (5/25). Which means I found a new publisher. I also signed with a new agent.

It would seem that I have accomplished everything I set out to do almost three years ago. So why am I thinking of quitting now? Instead of, you know, when I was at the peak of my literary loser-dom?

Well, it has been suggested to me that I am trying to do too much. (This has been suggested to me regularly for over 50 years now. When I was 5, I was convinced that I could have a different profession for every day of the week. It appears I remained stuck in that immature developmental stage for several decades.)

Here are some of the things I am currently doing:

My Education Day Job

• Sending out a weekly newsletter detailing the horrors of the New York City school system

• Producing a YouTube series, “5 Questions About… (NYC Schools)”

• Leading open to the public workshops on navigating the NYC school system

• Conducting private, one on one consults on outsmarting the NYC school system

• Answering emails about the NYC school system

• Freelance writing articles for various print and online publications about the horrors of the NYC — and American — school system

• Social media promotion of all of the above as well as my books, “Getting into NYC Kindergarten” and “Getting into NYC High School”

• Recording an audio book version of “Getting into NYC Kindergarten”

• Agent is shopping around a proposal for “Admit None: An NYC Schools Murder Mystery” (I realize there is nothing I technically have to do for that, but I think about it a lot. And manifest.)

My Soap Opera Day Job

• Writing three, 300 word (or more) posts a day for Soap Hub about the goings on of the five remaining daytime dramas

• Co-hosting a weekly podcast about the goings on of the five remaining daytime dramas

• Social media promotion for all of the above

• Preparing my upcoming book “Super Soap Scenes: A Time Capsule of Daytime Drama’s Greatest Moments” for publication sometime this summer

My Fiction Writing

• Promoting the recently released “Go On Pretending” via guest blogs, podcasts, social media, book talks, panel discussions, and anything else I can think of (so I’m thinking about it… a lot)

• Producing an audio book version of “My Mother’s Secret: A Novel of the Jewish Autonomous Region”

• Producing a YouTube series, “Explaining the USSR to My Kid — Through Books”

• Agent is shopping around a proposal for “Admit None: An NYC Schools Murder Mystery” (I realize there is nothing I technically have to do for that, but I think about it a lot. And manifest. Yes, I double-dipped on this one. But I really do think about it more than can be considered healthy.)

And that doesn’t even take into account my one husband, two parents, and three kids. (Also, I have friends. And hobbies. And sometimes I even consider exercising.)

As the song says, “Something’s gotta give, something’s gotta give, something’s gotta give….”

Eldest son: Why don’t you quit the thing that pays you the least money and causes you the most stress?

Me: Parenting?

So, yeah, I won’t be quitting that. Neither will I be quitting my marriage, or my household duties. (Did you know that people want to eat dinner, like, every day? And that it produces garbage that needs to be taken out on a semi-regular basis? Before you lecture me about feminism and getting my husband to pitch in, he does the laundry and cleans the bathroom. He does his share. And he’s a bigger feminist than I am. Ask him about the class he took at Wellesley!)

My problem has always been that I WANT to do too much (see the ambitious five year old above). My problem is that I don’t WANT to quit. Anything.

I’m like the mid-1990s production of “Show Boat,” which took every single version ever produced and combined them into one spectacle. As “Forbidden Broadway” sang about it to the tune of “Old Man River,” “The new Show Boat/It’s too long Show Boat/They should cut something/But they don’t cut nothing….”

I need to cut something.

So here is what I am going to cut:

(Drumroll, please! Hey, Maybe I should add learning to play the drums!)

The June 16 episode of “Explaining the USSR To My Kid — Through Books,” will be the last one… for the time being (look at me already backpedaling).

It makes the most sense. It’s very time-consuming. Not just for me, but for my co-host daughter, too. We both need to find time to record the segments. They need to be edited, graphics and music added, and then promoted.

We have a small, devoted audience, but, overall, it’s probably my least bang for its buck project. Which means it should probably be the one to go.

In addition, my daughter is off to college, which will make coordinating even tougher, and likely not worth it.

So please enjoy our final episode, featuring Boris Fishman’s “Savage Feast,” below.

And come back next week, when this Literal Literary Loser will probably have a brand new project to tell you about.

Because I am really bad at not doing… stuff. (Not to be confused with “Barbie’s” Ken who is “great at doing stuff!” Yes, my mind does tend to wander.)