How I'll Trick You Into Buying My Book

A Literal Literary Loser Gets Devious

Are you ready? Alright, here we go….

Here is how I will trick you into buying my new book, “Go On Pretending.”

I am going to make you love me. (Yes, like the “Dreamgirls” song.)

Instead of selling you on the book’s multi-generational family saga plot, instead of enticing you with the exotic settings - everything from 1950s Madison Avenue to the Soviet Union to the Women’s Revolution of Rojava, instead of tantalizing you with the forbidden love story, I am going to make you love ME!

These days, agents and publishers don’t just want compelling stories. They want authors to have a platform. They want to know your personal brand.

Because agents and publishers understand they’re not selling your story. They’re selling you.

I’ve always understood that. When promoting my “Figure Skating Mystery Series,” I was really promoting my inside knowledge (i.e. gossip) of the international figure skating world from my days working as a writer and producer for ABC Sports, ESPN, NBC and TNT.

When promoting my Soviet historical fiction, including “The Nesting Dolls,” “My Mother’s Secret: A Novel of the Jewish Autonomous Region” and, now, the May 2025 “Go On Pretending,” I was really promoting the story behind the story; not just the real-life history of the USSR, but my own real-life history of being a Soviet refugee.

Because - the theory goes; remember my maxim that, when it comes to publishing, nobody knows anything - readers don’t fall in love with a book. They fall in love with an author.

So I’m going to make you love me.

How?

Well, that’s the kicker, isn’t it?

These delightful and self-deprecating Substack posts are a start. Do you find my tales of tussling with (very incompetent) book marketing scammers lovable? If you do, there’s plenty more where those came from! And, if you don’t, I’ll try to keep reporting on our exchanges to a minimum. (The customer is always right!)

I will also attempt to be lovable via guest posts and print interviews. (Even though those don’t seem to sell as many books on this go-around as I had hoped.)

But, mostly, I will attempt to be lovable via talking. So… Much… Talking.

I talked a lot last week. I expect to talk a lot this week. And the week after that. And the week after that. (Yes, that’s a reference to my favorite movie of all time, “Citizen Kane.” I talk a lot. But many of my thoughts are not my own.)

My current, primary vehicle for talking is the podcast one of my many employers, this time, the daytime drama website, SoapHub, has launched. I am one of the two co-hosts. You can listen to the first episode, below:

Now, if you did listen, you might have noticed that I mention my soap opera tie-in books, “Oakdale Confidential,” “Jonathan’s Story,” and “The Man From Oakdale.” I did that to establish my soapy bona fides. I’m a fan! And an expert! And a talker!

I did not mention “Go On Pretending,” even though the first historical section takes place on the set of the classic show, “The Guiding Light.”

That’s because the plan is: Lure ‘em in with soap talk, get ‘em to fall in love with me, stealthily start pitching soapy novel.

And when I say ‘em (I don’t know why I’ve suddenly developed an accent… in writing, no less), I mean… you.

I am going to make YOU fall in love with me. And then I’m going to pitch YOU my books. All my books. Soapy and non-soapy.

What do you think of my plan? Will it work? Is it already working?

Let me know in the comments!

And for those of you who enjoy me talking… but don’t want to listen to me go on and on and on (I do tend to go on and on and on), I’ve cut down my May 3 book launch video from the original hour to only 90 seconds. Check out the highlight reel - and fall in love!