How Low Would You Go (To Sell Books)?
A Literal Literary Loser Gets Real
Last week, I ordered myself Enough With the Self-Pity, and promised to look on the bright side from now on.
Which is why the below stories on how low I’ve sunk to sell some of my books are incidents which now make me laugh, though, at the time, they may have made me cringe:
#1) Cold Shoulder
Before The Ice Theater of NY contributed the videos to turn my traditionally published figure skating mystery novels into enhanced e-books, I sold the paperback copies as a fundraiser for them at one of ITNY’s performances.
The event was held at Chelsea Piers in NYC, which has two ice rinks, separated by a lobby. I set up my sales booth closer to the doors where ITNY was performing, complete with a poster advertising my series.
The rink across the lobby was being used for teen hockey practice. The presumed parents of those teens were milling outside, in the lobby, looking for ways to entertain themselves while they waited for practice to end. They found a way to entertain themselves: They decided to park themselves a few feet from my table and make snide comments about my figure skating mysteries.
And who were those two heckling dads? Broadway actor Robert LuPone (for my soap fan readers, he was also on All My Children, Another World, Loving, Search For Tomorrow, and Guiding Light) and Saturday Night Live Executive Producer Lorne Michaels.
I was very tempted to snark back, “We can’t all be in A Chorus Line,” and perhaps something about the uneven quality of your average SNL sketch.
I did not. I’m classy that way.
#2) Junior Achievement
In addition to writing books, I also write about education issues, and about free, fun things for parents and kids to do in NYC. The editor of one parenting site I wrote for sent out an email to announce that they would be moving into the teen site space, and that it would be edited by… their teen-age child! So please send your pitches to them. A high-school student. They’d be the ones to decide whether our stories were worth publishing.
Now, I subscribe to the Eleanor Roosevelt school of thought that “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” And there is nothing fundamentally demeaning about pitching your writing. (Even if it sometimes comes awfully close to seeming that way.) There is a little bit fundamentally demeaning about a writer with close to twenty years of professional experience pitching to a child who is clearly trying to boost their college application - and earned the position thanks to Mommy. But that’s my problem, not theirs.
After many days of going back and forth, I finally pitched Child Editor regarding my book, Getting Into NYC High School, which I truly thought would be of use to their readers.
Child Editor never so much as replied. And their site, as far as I know, never happened.
#3) Act Now
In addition to writing books and about education and family issues, I’ve worked for several soap-operas, including Guiding Light, As the World Turns, the web reboots of All My Children and One Life to Live, and for a decade’s worth of Daytime Emmy Award shows.
Most of the actors are perfectly lovely people. A handful are demanding prima-donnas. And then there are the few that put out a completely different public persona from who they really are in person. I’ve got a believe that, if you put out a completely different public persona from who you really are in person, you’ve got to know that there’s something unappealing about who you really are in person, no?
There was one such actor who, literally their first day on the show, asked what they had to do to win a Daytime Emmy - they really, really wanted to win a Daytime Emmy. Then, the day when nominations were announced, their statement to the press was how shocked they were: They not only never submitted themselves for it (then who did, I wonder?), they totally didn’t know this was the morning they were being revealed, they never think about such things, acting isn’t about awards, it’s about the work; that’s how modest and humble they are!
So, OK, so I wasn’t a fan.
But then said actor started a production company in NYC. Said actor was a parent in NYC. Said actor specifically asked for NYC-themed pitches for shows for their production company.
So I went ahead and, after many days of back and forth, pitched them a series based on my book, Getting Into NYC Kindergarten, which I truly thought would be of use to their viewers.
Humble and Modest Actor never replied.
Nonetheless, I continue to look for more opportunities to promote my books - no matter how demeaning - because “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
And I don’t consent.